It happened in the middle of an echocardiogram – four years ago.
I burst into tears.
The sonographer said, “Would you like to see your heart?” and swivelled the screen towards me. A mass of muscle beat as though it knew the mightiness of its role. It pulsated with joy for God’s sake – as though it couldn’t send forth nourishment fast enough. Expand, contract, expand, contract. Who knew a heart could be so…well…exuberant? Healthy, strong, steady and robust, that heart on that screen belonged to me.
Is it possible a heart can give off joy? Or enthusiasm? In spite of being ignored, over-taxed, abused and taken for granted, mine pulsated and pumped as though my body was the greatest gift it had been given.
Like a child realizing how she needs her mom.
In that instant, the tables turned. Roles switched. Like a child sitting in “Lost and Found” whose mother finally appears, I realized how much my life depended on something eternally reliable. The tsunami of emotion rose and would not be contained.
The echocardiogram had been ordered by a locum while my doctor was away. She was concerned about pericarditis – an inflammation of the Pericardium which is the fibrous sac surrounding the heart.
My heart and its cradle were declared perfectly healthy.
On the ferry ride home, “I fell in love with my heart!” I tried to explain to a friend. “I know that sounds really silly, but it’s like I just woke up to its existence! I can’t believe how awful I’ve been – unintentionally. From now on I’m supporting it like it’s been supporting me. I’ll start by having a kale and quinoa salad with virgin olive oil and cranberries – right after fitness.”
I did fall in love with a mighty little muscle that’s been beating faithfully for over 6 decades without a single prompt. With no assistance, this humble organ has reliably and rhythmically performed its immense purpose.
Even if I snipped off a piece of my heart and put it in a beaker, that tiny chunk would begin beating all by itself – as though a complete heart.
Not even scientists can explain that phenomenon. And we consider ourselves mighty.
It has intention and purpose, your heart, that’s for sure!
And is big enough to fill entire worlds with love.
I’m wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with a huge red heart today.
And I’ve just finished making a birthday cake decorated with a yummy chocolate ganache heart in the centre.
Synchronicity!
Thank you Souldipper.
Always in my Heart xx
Oh Jinkspots – it is soooo good to hear from you. Thank you for confirming that all is well with you. Also thanks for my surprise of the day – the email photo of the t-shirt AND that delicious looking cake! Who can resist ganache, you talented woman!? It’s grand to know your family and you are settling into your new home. The blog? Let it sit in the wings. When you are ready, there’ll be no decision. Meanwhile, it’s good to know you feel safe and are full of new life and living. That’s what’s important. XO
I know EXACTLY what you mean. So grateful for my heart too, and its beat-beat-beating… Bless xx
Imagine having to rely on an external force to keep our hearts going, C&C. I now have compassion for people with pacemakers!
Like a little perpetual motion machine the heart has a lot to live up to. Nice to see it get some credit.xx Hugs xx
Perfect…it is a “little perpetual motion machine” – in the flesh. Good of you to comment, my good lord.
Beautiful post Amy! I have been feeling the need to treat my organs with more respect than I have been wont to 🙂 Thank you for the reminder.
I watched a friend rebuild a classic motorcycle, Madhu. He brought it back into pristine condition, only using the best oil and the cleanest fuel to run it. I saw the irony of his standing over it, admiring the results while smoking a cigarette. Yep…respect!
🙂
Just saw this quote on FB right after reading your post: Your heartbeat is the rhythm of your soul – from Yogi Tea Bags. How perfect is that? Mine says your heartbeat is ecstatic dear one.
Joss, your overly kind comment reminded me of stories I’ve heard about recipients of organs who suddenly feel and take on a craving or desire that the donor had. Who thinks of our organs having aspects of our personality, but the DNA is somehow functioning at all times. The funny thing about my heart…when I work out, it takes forever to calm down. The specialist had no answer for that. We even did other tests because of it, but ??? So it just wants to keep going.
Wonderful! Why don’t we all cherish our amazing organs more? We take them for granted and we abuse them. Yet, look at how they keep going in spite of it all!
Exactly, Jean. And what a difference it made to what I put in my body after seeing how this simple, but complex muscle works just for me. Talk about gratitude…
Thanks for sharing this humbling little bit of wisdom with us, Amy. Our entire bodies are pretty darn amazing. But the heart is really the engine that keeps the whole organism going.
Hi Linda – when I think of how our bodies work, it puts me in awe. I can’t figure out if I’d have been a great doctor or a horrible one. I’m running to catch a ferry right now, but have your ears been ringing? I’ve been thinking of you lately because you live in Oregon. I’ll have to write about it…
Gosh Amy I’d never thought of it before but I too would burst into tears if I could see my little old heart beating in my chest. Wow what a thrilling experience for you.
Sometimes when I walk very fast up a long flight of stairs my heart will start pounding in my chest and remind me that its there, but otherwise it silently works for me asking nothing in return. Beautiful thought.
Right on, Rosie. How often does anyone consider the incredible job each organ performs? My experience simply jolted me. I’m more “awake” and am far more motivated to consume and do good things for my bod!
Wow. I LOVE this post. Yes, how we all take so much for granted – our hearts, our eyes, the beauty of the earth, breath……..we should all be walking around with our jaws dropped, at this MIRACLE we live in!
Too true, Sherry. And we can! No one stops us but US! 😀
What a cool post, Amy. A lovely tribute to the true organ of love 😉
We are one incredible organism, Bela. Durable and fragile – all at once.
what an amazing insight Amy… and how utterly fascinating that bits of the heart go on beating!!! – with bits of our memory in it too, presumably… miracles !!!!
It’s mind-boggling, Valerie. Or is that heart-boggling?
Hi Any .. how fascinating to read … the liver regenerates, worms regenerate, our heart can beat on (even a tiny piece of it) … I have to get myself into shape … love kale … and if we ever get a growing season, we’ll have all those new veggies soon .. I might try some quinoa too .. it’s not something I normally eat ….
I’d like my heart to keep going for a while yet!!! Cheers for now – Hilary
Yes, Hilary…you are such a vital and vibrant spirit that I cannot imagine your body keeping up. Get going and help it! 😀
I think it’s Ted Hughes who wrote about God as an engineer, tinkering endlessly in a shed at the bottom of the garden. The hallmarks of life are those of an intelligence which takes infinite delight in designing things that work beautifully. We are the creation of a divine, benevolent, highly inventive engineer.
I so agree, Kate! The interconnectedness of each and every aspect of life’s operation cannot be contained in any mortal’s mind. It’s no wonder we can only grasp unity crudely.
Quite a discovery!
Yes, Sidey and it hasn’t lost much lustre as you can see…
Indeed you have not
You, my darling, are a revelation.. you have described so clearly something i should have known.. I heart my heart too And yours! c
My heart would be in even better shape if i was close enough to give you a hand on that wee farmie, Celi! In many ways…
Oh and i could do with a hand right about now!! spring is going to come very late, we are going to be flat out!~! c
How little we truly know about this rental property…we call a body….enjoyed the feel of you post.
It’s one of my best teachers, Charles!
An every day miracle for sure! 😀
For sure!
How often does one hear the saying “heart and soul”.. and how it is used for those that lead and entertain… not like our own hearts though, without our heart and soul we are but nothing… the heart and soul of a party is replaced quite easily by someone else.. not our own though… yet how often do we take it for granted.. “its there and working so why worry”… taken too often for granted…
So true, Bulldog. Our bodies are incredibly complex yet in all that loving creativity, while there is a healing component to varying degrees, there is no replacement factor.
Made me smile….. Didn’t make me smile that my comment apparently was consumed by the Moof Monster–but this post made me smile! 😉
Very glad to hear the heart’s beating strong, btw.
Oh no, not the Moof Monster. I have a button for that impish pest. I suspect it tries to out-do the leprechauns on St. Patty’s. Love to you, Mel.
I’m having a lot of computer challenges these days, so if you get something else that’s incomplete, just delete. This touched me so deeply. We take so much for granted until something goes awry and then we realize it’s value. I’m tempted to go get my stethoscope and listen in on my wonderful heart that has brought me through so many years with all the ups and downs. It’s been loved and hurt, ignored, broken. But on it goes. BTW, among those computer challenges is the fact that I no longer receive e-mails from blogs that I subscribe to, so I’m so glad for your comment that reminds me to dip into your beautiful soul. I need to do something about the computer demons soon.
Victoria, since “READER” kicked in under WordPress that’s all I use. Thankfully, I don’t get email notificationss – haven’t for about a year. I go to the Reader now – when I have time to catch up with folks. I found I could not read all my subscribed blogs all the time – and “do” life or write. I don’t comment all the time either, but I’m still keen to stay connected.
As you mentioned, when people post a comment, it’s easy and convenient to slip over to their blog as well. Other favs of mine are posting even less than me so I go and check on them.
I hope people have accepted my pogo stick appearances. My fewer comments/posts lowered the comments I receive, but, amazingly,subscriptions still come in.
You are a really kind heart that complements the purity of your soul well. 🙂 Take care Amy auntie.
Arindam, you are being kind now. I’m glad you can’t watch me. Like when someone “steps on my toes”. Or when I have an appointment and get behind a car full of sightseers! I have to pull out my spiritual toolkit to clear the smoke from inside the car. Not to mention my soul! I’m improving, but I still struggle to remind myself that I’ve done the same inconsiderate thing!