Quirks That Won’t Stay Hidden

Do you have a quirk that no one else seems to share?

I have at least two.

Quirks? Moi??

My quirks came to mind while reading about a challenge that seems to be going around the blogosphere.  My friend Mel, at Melsdream who describes herself as “quirky” received a big #7 in a box which caused her to share 7 personal things .  Her humourous responses made me appreciate her even more.  Any woman who makes a point of wearing mismatched socks everyday and asks her husband to cover up a frozen frog in case it’s only hibernating has my vote for heartwarming enlightenment.

Quirkiness and eccentricity are as necessary as accessories for the little black dress or that conservative navy blue suit.  They plant personality in a garden of conformity.  I’m not talking about habits that are nasty for, or insensitive toward, the people around us.  I’m talking about the authentic differences that run deep in our souls.  These are quirks that rise, at times, as though we’ve just stepped on a thistle with a bare foot.

One “quirk” rears its weedy head when someone asks me, “Will you do me a favour?”

Good grief!  What if they want me to push their car into town with my two bare hands?  Or maybe they’re going to ask me to do a tandem bungie jump.  Out of the goodness of my heart do I just say, “Of course.  I’ll do any favour you want!”?

“Will you do me a favour?” puts me on the defensive.  I strive to be a person of my word so the question forces me to make two decisions.  How do I find out what they want without sounding like I’m going to do it?  And second – if they want me to do something I cannot or am not willing to do, how can I decline with honesty and diplomatic immunity?

At times I’ve said, “Just tell me what you need.”

When I do a “favour”, my heart’s lustre feels slightly tarnished. When someone needs help, it’s a bonus to be able to lend a hand.

Phew – I can feel the steam rising just standing here on my soap box.

Here’s the second one:  “You should…”

Since my mother banned the word “should”, I grew up seldom hearing the word.  Not using “should” meant taking a stand and making a decision rather than fence-sit.

Now, when I hear “should”, it feels like an earworm.  I want to ignore it, but it beeps its presence in my psyche.

Thank goodness for the person who invented the response, “Don’t SHOULD on me.”

Even more difficult is hearing, “You should…”

At a young age, I asked mom why she bristled when anyone used “you should”.  She said, “Few people know what is best for themselves.  Unless they have their own house in order, what right do they have pointing out what anyone else needs to consider?”

My close friends know about these two quirks and, thankfully, continue to hang around.  Hmmm…I wonder.  Are these just two of the least of my quirks?

Actually, that’s wishful thinking.

I hope I’m in good company – willing to share an interesting quirk?

63 thoughts on “Quirks That Won’t Stay Hidden

  1. I remember the “should” post, Amy. I think of you every time that word wants to come out of my mouth just because of you, so thank you.
    I have a quirk that I don’t know if anyone else shares. I can’t back over earthworms on my driveway. Just can’t do it. When it is spring and I need to leave in the AM before they manage to crawl back to the lawn for cover, anyone that may be watching, can see me bending over and picking up something on my driveway and dropping it on the lawn. I don’t walk on ants either.

  2. Enjoyed this… that word “should” when used by others referring to you, is sometimes also given merely as a suggestion of help… or am I wrong here.?? The “can you do me a favour?” I have always replied with a “depends”, who knows they might want you to do something illegal… the word “should” I use a lot..maybe I must change it to “I suggest”…

    • Different cultures present different ways of looking at the use of this word. I understand that many people consider it a form of help. However, staying away from using the word “should” reveals a great deal about its wishy-washy-ness. Communicating without using “should” takes work. It highlights how the word, like giving advice, can carry shallow considerations, lazy thinking and fence-sitting. Telling another what they ‘should’ do can simply be firing off “fix-it” ideas, in an attempt to shut down the problem, person or situation.

      It takes a lot more work to ask a person good questions to help them decide their own solution. In this case, their response is one of gratitude. They feel empowered.

  3. Hi Amy .. I remember your should post – and agree I’ve never much liked the word … recently I’ve been sorting … and can only do what I can do – both valid .. but they’ve been stretched a little. Now I’m almost past both those I hope I’ll be more flexible in my life …

    When I ask someone to do me a favour .. it’s out of the blue, probably something small and will take a few minutes but something that would be so helpful to me at that moment …

    Should … what about … What do you think …? ….

    I’m aware I don’t want to get stuck in a rut … and make a point of turning the attention away from me to others and now I can get out and about a bit more should open my doors up. I have one relative in law … she can’t talk about anything but her daughter … drives me nutty! Oh well …

    If someone proposes something that’s very one sided, as most impromptu speak is … I turn it around and say what about that (looking at the aspect from another perspective) – eg a selfish driver … they may be ill, feeling rotten, or having a difficult day ..

    I have a phrase for myself – when something went wrong, as it has done quite often in the last few years … I say via my brain! ‘turn on your heel’ and start again … move forward and forget that bit – however slow it might be … (it’s not a problem and is not serious for you/me)

    Cheers – and I’m still learning lots as I go …. Hilary

    • Hello my strong and sturdy blogging buddy who has her tried and true techniques.

      When I realized I could start the day over – at any time – I found it allowed a shift of attitude and attention of much finer quality. Remarkably helpful to me. When I watch a baby learn how to walk, it’s a great reminder for me. Has there ever been a baby who gave up when physically okay?

      (Feel a very strong nudge to add this next bit, Hilary…hope I’m not stepping out of line!)
      I sense you are going through a rough patch at this stage. You may not be able to turn the situation around and you certainly can’t change the attitude of others, but remembering what is important will get you through it. Your integrity and motives in tact? If others are going to play “silly buggar”, let ’em! Like that wonderful ol’ Churchill said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going!” The important thing is that you have your health, freedom and good conscience.

      Hang on to your faith, keep in touch with your blogging buddies and don’t lose sight of your integrity. If you feel revengeful, the road to freedom is to forgive them all. Then you aren’t drinking their poison.

  4. Great post and I agree with you wholeheartedly on the ‘should’ bit. I hope I’ve passed this on to my son. My quirks, well you got me thinking and I realise I’ve got a good few. One that comes to mind is “I’ll be with you in a minute” a phrase I’ve stopped using because it actually doesn’t mean anything. When people say this, including myself, they are never actually with you in a minute I would much rather people just said “I’ll be with you as soon as I can”. I would stop clock watching and just wait in the knowledge that they know I’m waiting. My other quirk is to do with making a white sauce. For me cooking is a de-stresser and after a bad day when things don’t go to plan I always factor in cooking a white sauce with dinner. You put the ingredients in the pan, you stir and it always thickens according to plan. My quirk is that my grandmother told me that if you want your white sauce to thicken you MUST stir it clockwise. I’m sure this isn’t true but for the life of me I cannot bring myself to stir it anti-clockwise. So there you go, a few of my quirks.

    • You have me grinning, Jacqueline. I can imagine your family whispering amongst themselves, “Oh oh…she’s making white sauce! Stay out of her way!”

      Ever asked a person close to you to not use the phrase because you believe them? These “no substance” responses are such a habit that people say we’re just being picky or controlling.

      Funny how we can get locked into taking things literally. The best way to drive people mad and/or away is to not mean what you say! I used to fall into the dance of dysfunction around people whose word was not to be trusted. Now, once I learn this about them, I stop relying on them. Doesn’t have to stop me from loving them, but it sure shifts my way of spending time with them.

  5. Your should reminds me of my mother and my mother in law who each say “I’ll let you…” before whatever it is they want you to do,as if it’s a big favor to you! Drives me crazy. On occasion, I will look at them and say “it’s ok. I’ll let you do it this time.” Of course, I end up doing it anyway but it draws a good laugh out of them!
    It’s too early for me to remember my quirks, but I’ll bet if I ask my hubby he’ll come up with a list in a heartbeat! OK, here’s two. First I always must stop what I’m doing and say a quick silent prayer whenever I hear a siren. Second, I can’t get a full yawn in unless it is quiet….I know, I’m weird!

    • The prayer thing…I share that with you, SuziCate! And why not…?

      I’ve never heard that about a yawn! And there’s little worse than having a yawn interrupted.

      A friend taught me a big lesson about “I’ll let you…” On the phone, I said to her when I wanted to stop talking, “I’ll let you go now…”

      She said, “You don’t have to let me go anywhere. I don’t need your permission.”

      I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “What?!”

      She said, “That’s a control bid. And you’re using me. If you want to go, take responsibility for wanting to hang up. Don’t make it sound like you are being this kind, considerate person.” She cured me from using it ON others.

      Like you, SuziCate, when I hear that precursor now, I put it on display and feed it back.

      And people pooh-pooh the power of words… 😀

  6. *laughing* Oh, dearheart–I have that same ‘UH oh……’ response when someone pulls out the ‘Will you do me a favor’ card. The radar’s up and I’m bristling…..but I’ve trained myself for that one– I take great joy in laughing and saying ‘probably not–but try me just for the heck of it!’. I try to put a bit of humour in it, but I do have that inside bristling that happens. Silly people.
    I get the ‘should’ deal as well. Every once in a while I hear myself telling ME I “oughta”–*rolling eyes* Sometimes I’m actually RIGHT about that one….but more times than not I laugh at myself and do the “nahhhhhhh….” and laugh.

    I’m a quirky kinda gal–but most folks already know that. Eventually, I’ll be eccentric! I believe that’s a rite of passage that comes with……ummmm…….errrrr…..ahhhhhh….. age.
    Do me a favor? ROFL…..don’t remind me I said that!!

    • Good response, Mel. I think I’ll borrow it! I agree – humour is a big plus. One old Master was asked what enlightenment was. He said, “Lighten up!” and laughed like a maniac. It’s true and I’m doing that a lot better than I used to.

      I feel very fortunate that eccentricity runs in my family. I have a choice which direction I’ll go…but I really, really dislike clutter. Can you still be eccentric without having a house with pathways through it? 😀

  7. Since you’re read a lot of my blog posts, I imagine you know what a few of my quirks are. Here’s another one – Unless I’m in a crowd, I cannot stand to have someone walking behind me. It doesn’t frighten me (unless it’s at nighttime) – rather, it annoys the heck out of me. It’s a big world, can’t they walk on the other side of the street?!

    • I automatically pick a place to sit with a wall behind me, but I hope, having read this, I don’t feel that way while walking! If I find myself getting quirky over this, SDS, you’ll be like a tattoo on my soul! 😀

  8. Doggone Soul Dipper … good thing you weren’t my betrothed WAY BACK WHEN. For he had to help me post my car to Cincinnati from St Louis. Though I must say I cannot remember why we had to do that. AND, your mother was a wise woman. I guess that my biggest quirk is a personality quirk … I am so darn literal about everything. Ha! Probably why I had to clarify ahead of time on the last reading.

    • Posted your car? Did you actually DO that, Raven? That’s a riot! Bet that put the post into apoplexy.

      Yah, I tend to take people at their word as well. I frequently have to lighten up and let time reveal reality.

    • Just in from a walk. My Walk Buddy and I walked through sprinkles, but nothing that would soak us. Now? The sun is now out, shining gloriously. Living on an island – as you likely find on the California Coast – we just have to wait a few minutes for the weather to change.

  9. Oh, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on quirks, Amy!! And, in thinking about it … I bristle at both of them! The favor-one … I also take my word seriously, and prefer to help with my best … and what if I am asked something I cannot do!!! The “should” one, I had not thought of per se, but as I was reading, I have to agree with your mom’s advice. 😀 So I am going to be very mindful, not to use “should” … I do not think I use it (at least not much) … but I will track its usage for my awareness!!

    I like the way you present “quirkiness” … I have not thought of my “quirkiness” — but know I have some traits … I think it will be fun to become more aware of them as I go about the rest of my day and week. I will make an effort to view them as character in my personality. 😀 When eating-out is one that immediately comes to mind, and makes my husband smile to himself every time: these times would involve places that use paper-napkins (vs “fine dining”) … when I finish my meal, I cover my plate with the paper napkin. To me it signifies I am finished, and I can continue visiting without the sight of dishes that need clearing/cleaning.

    Anyway — thank you for the smile and insight today!! 😀

    • That’s a new one to me, Becca. Does covering your plate cause the waiter to clear the dishes sooner? If you don’t cover the plate, is it hard to concentrate on your conversation/company?

      • 😀 LOL
        No, the waiter/waitress usually do not pay any mind … and yes, I have a hard time concentrating;since I am finished eating I want the space in front of me clear … plus I am less likely to “pick” at the remnants (if there are any left) 😉 Come to think of it, I do not believe I started this until I was removed from my cuisine heaven of South Louisiana. Perhaps it is a quiet internal protest … hmmmm, I will have to ponder this!! 😀

        • Ooops…hope this didn’t start something, Becca. I haven’t travelled to the Louisiana part of the US. I envision lots of seafood – is that valid? Wonder what dish you’d have if you were ordering dinner right now in your home state.

          • Yes — an abundance of seafood … 😀
            If I had to decide on only one dinner — it would take me awhile to prioritize!! Maybe I’ll start working on it now.
            Hint: if traveling, and Cajun or New Orleans cuisine is advertised — don’t believe it!! I’ve yet to eat in one, close to the original cooking of the area!!

    • Ah ha, Victoria. I’m really enjoying hearing about other people’s eccentricities. I thought you might share something quirky like you only wash hair on the left side on Thursdays. 😀

  10. Great post Amy. I also bristle when someone says “Can you do me a favor”?
    I don’t know if this is a quirk but when someone puts an odd dirty item in the washing machine it bugs me. A friend just spent a month with us and one night after dinner she took her red napkin (we use cloth napkins) that she’d only used once (we use them several times) and put it in the washing machine. I found it next morning. Luckily I looked inside first because I was doing a load of whites – and this was a red napkin. I called her on it (because she was staying such a long time and I didn’t want to find red napkins in the wash again) but she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong, she thought she was being a good house-guest…
    Where do you put your dirty clothes? In the washing machine or in the dirty clothes basket?

    • Well, Rosie, I have two clothes baskets in my closet – one for coloureds and one for whites. I also have a hamper in the laundry room for linens and odd stuff. Because I grew up with a very messy mom and my job was to do the laundry – wringer washer after I turned 10 – I found I loathed touching everyone else’s dirty clothing. Therefore, I tried to set up sorting bins. It was “sort of” respected, but big brothers like to be defiant. Yay! I no longer have to sort dirty clothes!

      No, I don’t “store” dirty clothes in the washing machine. (One of my partners used to use the dryer like a dresser. He was an artist so was always home – thus he did his own laundry. I preferred doing my own and always had to haul his “work wardrobe” out of the dryer to use it.)

      Because mom did not keep house well, my sisters and I had our turns at keeping the house in order. All three of us ended up keeping clean and tidy homes. I love being able to find things when needed.

      I don’t think I’m a good hostess because I am not used to another person’s mess and I’m fussy about hygiene (kitchen especially). Habits continue from managing a Senior’s Residence where Food Safe practices were essential – in fact, since retiring, I have not even had a cold.

      An older man who helps pack groceries taught me the importance of washing my grocery bags. I never even thought about it, I’m embarrassed to say. He just said, “Do you know how many hands have touched that produce before you wash it? That all goes into your bags.” Nope, I hadn’t thought about it and now I wash my grocery bags – since our island does not believe in using plastic!

  11. You are definitely in good company when it comes to ‘do me a favor.’ I, too, bristle just a bit. Not asked it very often, though – thankfully!

    As for quirks, hmmmm …. yes, actually. When I find something comfortable to wear, I tend to buy as many of ‘it’ as I can, just in case it’s out of stock when I want more! Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose 😉

    • Confession: I have done the same with purchasing, Bela. I’ve blamed it on my being on an island where it’s not easy to find the same product/style again in a city. One irony – I have some hair/skin products that I never used up because a truly better product came along. Now that I’m retired, I choose natural so my products are more simple and healthy.

  12. You should…that’s a good one.

    I grit my teeth when wait people greet my lady friends and me with “How are you guys doin’?” Do we really look like guys? I know it shouldn’t (?) bug me. But it does.

    I’m also not fond of being referred to as “honey” by someone half my age…even my own age, for that matter.

    • Oh Yay, Linda…you brought up a subtle but highly significant point. Before I left managing the Senior’s residence, I wanted to assure its “accreditation”. I applied for an assessment by the Association. One of the upgrades? I discovered our policy on “Senior Abuse” needed expanding…in one way. Guess what it needed, Linda! An addition that stated how the use of such words as “honey”, “dear” or any other of those “endearing” words were, in fact, a form of abuse. It was condescending and therefore considered abusive.

      I cheered! I find that so degrading and disrespectful. The policy is firmly in place and residents are paid the respect of having people use their names!

      When people use it when addressing me, it feels condescending and I tell them about that great policy.

      (I think I’m discovering a whole whack of other quirks thanks to people like you! :D)

  13. What a terrific post! I completely agree with you on both points ~ seriously I respond the same way (and felt the steam rising just remembering those who’ve said those things to me!). Statements like ‘will you do me a favour’ feel like wasted air to me. Just say it already! I also grew up having learned the expression ‘Don’t SHOULD on me’. Even this comment stream has been great and I enjoyed your response to Linda’s good point about ‘endearing’ words. There’s everything here from stirring and laundry to Snoring Dog’s great point of someone walking right behind. On occasion I’ve suddenly stepped aside to make a call or look for something in order to have someone pass me. Quirks of mine include typos on menus or brochures (ok let’s be honest: anywhere) and people starting a comment with “Listen” or ending a call with the expression: “I’ve got to let you go”. And rudeness towards people who must work with the public, like store clerks and cashiers, gets my hair up and will find me defending them, with a smile, or firmer if that doesn’t work. Great, thought provoking post! Cheers 😀

    • Something hilarious may be happening, Gina – this may be like reading the Doctor’s Manual. We’ll end up having every quirk mentioned. From now on, instead of my dander rising, I’ll be thinking of all my quirky readers. That would be good! 😀

      Really good to make your acquaintance. Look forward to learning more…

      • Back at you, dear writer. Very nice to “eMeet” you! (is that a word? can we make a new word?) And I must agree that your post here has created quite a stir, and appears to have opened a whole new can of worms, or Pandora’s Box if you prefer. Maybe you can start a blog about Quirks 😉

  14. boy does the “favour” ever resonate with me. I have a former boss who would ask me to do a task but preface it with, “will you do me a favour????” in a whiny, desperate voice. Ick. Every time he did that I lost just a little more respect for him.

    My (known) quirk? I shiver when driving under highway overpasses. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop it.

    Fun post!

    • Hi Emjay – You shiver under underpasses? That is most certainly unique! Do you have a sense that it is going to come down?

      Having a boss use that phrase would cause me to slide under my desk. I would run the risk of putting a padlock on the outside of his door! I’d have to talk to him…seriously.

      Many thanks for visiting and commenting, Emjay.

  15. Interesting: in cognitive behvuioral therapy, one is encouraged to listen to the silent ‘shoulds’ that are buried deep within us, planted there by early people and experiences – and then find ways to confound them. Should is such a dominant word. I can’t think of many times it ends in a positive. Very thought provoking today…

    • Yes, Kate, those buried ‘shoulds’ hold the conditioning that can fetter and fasten people to a lifetime of contortions.

      In various types of policies, procedures and rules, I saw and still see how shoulds abound. Shoulds feed the need for so many lawyers. Thankfully, most Laws are written using “shall/will” or “may”; the “may” depicts permission, but is not the only direction. “Should”? What is it saying? What are the boundaries or consequences? Do the writer or speaker even know?

      It’s confusing to children when they are given a should. What is the consequence of NOT doing the “should”? How do they know what is appropriate?

      Thankfully: Doctors don’t write should on prescriptions. Driving manuals don’t say should. GPSs don’t depict should.

      Oops, my quirk has escaped from the bottle! 😀

  16. I’m with you there on “should”. The world seems so full of little people who seem to think their purpose is to tell others what to do. Usually it’s dressed up as “heath and safety” or some individual interpretation of “equality”. But it’s all about the same thing – making others subordinate.

    Back when I was a professional wilderness guide I did have the peculiar quirk of whilsting “suicide is painless” (the theme tune from M*A*S*H) whenever I set off on a trip. I think that had to do with unconscious recognition of the many bad things that could happen out there in wild places. Now life is safer I don’t do that so much.

    • You gave me a good chuckle, White Horse Pilgrim. I wonder how many people recognized the tune. Did any chicken out? 😀

      If you were a wilderness guide, it must have given you what appears to be your welcome interest in the depth of life around you.

  17. I suspect that people who have quirks – ecentricities – live longer … I talk to the trees, plants, ants, birds and any living thing I happen to “bump into” when I go for my walk … The conversations are always great.

    • I hope that those of us who live out our quirks have a healthier life. Like you, I chat with life’s offerings. I suspect that means that we are less concerned about what others think than many others. That’s huge! BTW, my old maple told me the other day to celebrate every moment we have and to quit thinking about some developer coming along…

    • I have a friend who is terrifically and admittedly OCD. She buys facecloths by the dozens because she only uses them once on her face. She probably has a whole routine for use after facial ablutions. It’s not easy for her to eat meals anywhere else but her own home, but managed recently to have a week in Mexico.

      I don’t know, Lorna, when quirks or fettishes cross the line into OCD. Thankfully, I haven’t had to check that out for myself!

  18. Whenever we go away, I have to leave the house (and the chicken and duck houses!) as clean and tidy as possible. I’m sure that a psychiatrist could make something of that! I really do annoy myself with this particular quirk as it makes going on holiday much more complicated than it needs to be!
    Interesting about ‘should’ too – I’ve never given it much thought before. My mum’s well uttered phrase was, “There’s no such word as can’t”, and one that I heard frequently during childhood!

    • Well, Christine, that makes perfect sense to me! 😀 Seriously, I love returning to a tidy house that requires nothing from me for at least a day. My last tidying priority is getting that bag of garbage, bucket of compost and box of recycling emptied. That’s when I can be on my way.

      Can’t was unacceptable in our home and other places during my growing up. Teachers stopped dead in their tracks when they heard it. Mom, a teacher as well, would often chuckle if we said it at home. She’d respond, “I’m sorry to hear that.” and keep reading her book.

  19. Well, I don’t have a problem with someone asking for a favor from me…I just take it for granted that if the favor is something I can’t or won’t do, I haven’t agreed blindly…
    I totally agree with your comments about “should.” I have recognized that I have enough issues to sort out for myself…I don’t often feel I “should” be in the business of giving advice…but I never thought of banning the word! 🙂 ~ Sheila

    • Hopefully, after exposing myself and hearing how others deal with the silly question, its grip may be far less substantial. That would be welcome because it would mean an attitude shift which is always good exercise! 😀

      You’ll discover lots about yourself (and others) if you do cut out “Should”. It can be a lot of fun.

  20. Perhaps this quirk fits the bill. Invariably people will tell me, “btw your voicemail box is full!” The fact is it’s full because I like it that way…I don’t want another voicemail so have kept it in a state where it can’t receive another. I don’t like having to listen to the computerized lady give me all my options, etc. I timed that it took up to a minute before I even got to the message. “Please text me,” I want to say. With a flip of my phone, I can quickly read the message. No, I don’t do voicemail–time consuming–and life does go on without it.

    • When I carried a business cell phone, I also found that retrieval routine highly annoying. Has there ever been a case of identity theft due to voice-message hacking? Yet its steps out-perform on-line bill paying.

      Since I am not travelling much at all, I have little need for a cell phone right now. I’d like one for convenience, but in Canada, the charges are dear. More and more friends prefer texting. In Canada, texting is free on Cells whereas we pay for incoming calls from people – unless we pay more for the contract. So archaic and expensive. We drool over American plans!

      When I have to leave a message on a landline, it can be a quandary whether to be super quick or give an overview. One friends leaves a “committee meeting” on my machine. She might leave 3 or 4 detailed alternatives – which we could easily be avoided in a call back.

    • I doubt people think I’m beautiful when I ask them not to “should” on me! 😀 Bet I’d never have to say that to Lady GaGa or Madonna! I’d be amazed if they ever use it! It would totally deflate their message.

      I wonder what you’d discover about you and your peeps if you went for a few days not using “should”…

  21. oooooooh, yeah. The favor thing has come back to bite me…big time. At one point in my life I told myself to be open, helpful, and full of derring do. I found myself doing thing without a joyful heart. Now I measure my desire by hesitation. When someone asks “Would you do…..” If I hesitate, then there’s something that’s holding me up and I need to put the request on hold until I figure it out.
    For me, “shoulds” are a form of self-flagellation. I’ve tried to give it up.

    • I’ve heard people say it’s taken them a lifetime to realize they can say, “I’ll get back to you.” Obviously you didn’t take so long…good for you.

      On the other hand, one woman who I consider one of my teachers used to say, “Your crises is not my responsibility to resolve.” She said a hesitation meant “no”. Period. And she’s a very spiritual lady, but she knows the death knoll called enabling.

      Yes, Barb, that’s another good description of “should” – self-flagellation. In fact, it’s excellent.

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