Amazing how much data can retained if I doodle while listening. Teachers used to insist that eye contact confirmed attention. Not for me. If I could doodle, almost every spoken word would stick in my memory; not only as facts, but also as a highly memorable format of assimilation. With one visualization, the whole scenario returned like a movie.
The past week has been spent in contemplation about the Orphans in Kenya. I’ve asked my Guides for clues. What is the direction that would best serve my need to give to this world? Am I cut out to volunteer at an orphanage filled with AIDS children craving love and human contact? My heart holds love that will not be contained. How can I best give it away?
I practiced soul doodling. Instead of weighing pros and cons about Kenya, I put all my attention on another soul matter entirely. Then I listened and waited for a clue. Nothing happened.
I practiced ‘long eye’ – the condition where a person stares straight ahead at nothing, but is aware of everything. Creative solutions slid by, almost unseen. Once captured, they proved to be solutions, but not about the orphans. The entire process was gathering up my character defects and putting them boldly in front of me. How many of them would be an asset? Could I throw them all out or did they protect me from bogey men?
I continued my prayer and meditation amongst cleaning the eaves, whipping weeds, hiking and being sociable. I needed to hold the idea up to my tried and true friends who know when I’m doodling and when I need to start packing.
One friend said, “Whether you want to admit it or not, you have tremendous maternal skills!” Another friend said, “That’s not you! Africa is, but not working with children in Africa!” I was ready to declare the Guides defunct and passe. They were proving to be more silent than family members when mother asks who wants to do the dishes after dinner.
So have you forgiven us for supporting you through an opportunity to take a look at what your priorities are?
It might have been easier if I’d never had contact with you, Beloved Guides. Then I’d have no expectations.
Expectations. That was a topic that needed your attention. This process helped you see the effects of inappropriate expectations.
Yes, I had fallen back into expecting to be treated a certain way by family members. I am reminded again that having expectations is a landslide to being let down.
The whole process that you have undergone has been grand preparation for the energy that is currently being presented to your planet home. The fact that you have made room for as much of an uplift of energy as possible is to your credit. You are the beneficiary. You will reap untold benefits and consequences. The love that will arise from the work that you have done will only bring more love and gratitude to you.
Thank you for all the love that you give in such a ‘backdrop’ sort of manner. It’s hard to be struggling with a life-altering decision and feeling like the answer is at my fingertips if I just knew how to ask the right question. That feels like too much of a game.
The struggle is your strength. You have come through richer, more evolved and less susceptible to earthly demands that call attention away from your true purpose.
Thanks. And it is good to commune again! I’m going to share the email that I wrote to Rita, slept on, prayed over and finally sent just today:
Talk about not knowing how to reply. Thanks for your wonderful response…it brought tears again. I respect your efforts so much. I can just imagine the effort that has gone into simply getting the approval to build a facility such as this in a country like Kenya. Then there’s the building process… I have been sitting in contemplative prayer about your ” Karibu Sana” and talking with trusted friends about possibly being a volunteer.
Not having skills such as nursing, teaching, or child care, I’m not sure that I’d be much of an asset in an orphanage – although I realize any help is appreciated. The only experience I have had with children is sporadically helping my older siblings with their children. As an Auntie, I feel I’ve been most useful with my nieces and nephews as they grew older. When I became a Big Sister, I was matched with a young 13 year old girl who was an exception because usually a Little Sister is much younger, but no one else wanted a ‘older child’. Karen, my Little Sister, and I had a bumpy but wonderful relationship.
None of that stops me from having my heart almost burst in my chest when I see what you are doing.
Because God works in mysterious ways, perhaps there is some other way that I might be able to contribute to your efforts. I don’t have a clue how my management or admin background/skills could be used to support what you are giving, Rita, but if there is a way, perhaps we could explore it. I realize the Catholic Church provides you with willing souls, but you may need some help here at home. I am not financially free to travel, but if you needed some administrative support, I am willing to explore it with you.
Your comment about needing ‘down time’ to rest, recoup and regenerate is very familiar. During past years, while doing XXX Management contracts and traveling alot, my home was the one true sanctuary where solitude was a promise of rejuvenating my Spiritual condition.
All in God’s Hands,
Love and respect,
I’ll keep doodling.