Yesterday I went shopping on the ‘bigger island’ for a huge list of boring household items. I had so many large items that I was asked to leave them in the cart. The cashier patiently waited while I bent, twisted and lifted so she could use her little gun to add the items to the tally. The smaller items were rung through normally and I was busy putting them back into the cart. This was a no-bag shopping spree.
Once home and while putting away two giant containers of vinegar, I discovered they were not included on the tally. I had not paid for them.
Today, when I tried to clear my mind for meditation, VINEGAR loomed and my Guides were direct.
I need to forgive myself about the vinegar.
Do you want to phone the Store?
I’ll look for them on the internet. Trying to get a person in one of those huge stores is too frustrating.
Want to check for the email address now?
(I interrupted my meditation to contact them by email.)
There. I have sent an email asking them for the price and where to send the cheque. I confess, though, my motives are not pure. I’m hoping they will have mercy and will just forgive the oversight.
Because you have admitted a mistake, you hope this large corporation will exercise mercy?
I knew at the time of check-out that the vinegar likely was not on the bill. I was going to ask the cashier to check it out, but she called a supervisor over to get my large purchase overridden in her register. I didn’t want to say anything in front of the supervisor who started doing something else with the till and stayed around. If she had gone, I planned to speak up. The cashier starting ringing in the next customer so I left. I’m not very proud of myself because I did suspect I got away with a freebie. I know better. I do not get away with these things. My soul doesn’t allow for this kind of slippage now that I know Love rules!
In the past, would you have done what you just did – notified the corporation?
No, I would have felt good about getting away with it.
There’s the difference. What were you thinking about when you were leaving the store?
I was thinking about the women I mentor – honesty is the taproot of our lives. What would they think of me if they knew I was walking out?
Good! Hopefully you will be honest with them about this incident.
Thank you for helping me do what was right.
(At this point I had to leave for a meeting.)
So my Guides, was that today’s message?
We also want you to write about Wounding versus Loving.
Wow. That was Caroline Myss’s line on our Webinar last night: “When we are not loving someone, we are wounding them.” She is a powerhouse. I love her direct approach.
She is a great example for you. In the midst of her forthrightness, she exudes love.
I am blown over by the profundity of her words: “If we are not loving someone, we are wounding them”.
Many times when I feel the need to remain neutral, I withdraw emotionally. I want to be left alone. I just sit there occupying my little spot on the planet, breathing my air and not wanting to hurt anyone. I am just trying to be invisible.
How does that work?
When I think about it, after hearing Caroline’s comment, I am wounding them. I am isolating, rejecting, ignoring, abandoning or rejecting someone. Even when I am not intending to wound them, it may feel like that.
Especially when people are not mind readers.
What about Dependency issues, though? I am responsible to take care of myself so I can be healthy and strong for others. Plus there is a lot of benefit to giving others their space.
Not if it is confusing or hurtful for the other person.
In other words, are you saying the phrase, “It’s not my stuff” is cruel?
But am I to spend my time trying to look after other people’s feelings?
If you know…if your intuition is nagging at you…if you need to check out whether or not someone else is clear about your intent, then check it out. If you genuinely do not suspect that your actions are hurting anyone, that is different. But when you have even the tiniest doubt, check it out.
There are times when I know that I may be setting someone aside, but I have to let them stew in their own juices.
Give an example.
When somebody has done something and they feel terrible about it, but haven’t taken corrective action, I have to leave them to stew in their own juices until they come to a decision. In the past, I’ve said something like, “If you have a knot in your stomach, it means you need to take some action. Think about it. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
That is letting them know that although you are willing to help, they have a responsibility to do some work. That is not wounding them. In fact, that is love. Being loving means standing aside while being supportive so they can come to their own realizations and decisions.
This means balancing between my leaving a person and leaving them with love.
That is correct.
This is going to take a lot of self-observation. I suspect I wound people a whole lot more than I expect.
Everyone does. Caroline Myss has captured this concept well.
Besides balance – and Caroline reminds me of this – we need to exercise intuition. Even to get this concept a little bit! I have to really pay attention to my intuition – as well as balance compassion and wisdom.
Yes, it means listening to the whisper you hear, the nudge you want to ignore and the knot that sits in your conscience. Then it means to act wisely with living kindness.
Loving kindness…a constant application of loving kindness. And what an appropriate subject for today…it’s Buddha’s birthday.