Hi my Guides, how are you today?
We are well. We know that you are having a good day.
Can you tell me who is talking?
The speaker is one designated to respond on the particular subject that is at hand.
So it could be any one of how many?
There are 12 of us on hand right now.
Is Kim there?
Kim is always here. And now it is me responding.
Wow we are actually communicating with each other instead of through other Guides!
Yes. I loved the story you just wrote to Joanne about your past life in Egypt. I remember when you were in that incarnation. And as you noticed, it had a large element of you feeling unloved. That’s why I was there.
Yes. Through Ainslie’s channeling, I learned that your Agreement with me was about love. Thank you, Kim.
Would you be willing to share the Egypt story with your readers?
Of course, since you ask. I trust that this means it will serve some purpose to others.
The purpose in writing this event: I almost detest cooking for others. And I would like to understand what is underneath these feelings.
I look at people who have a passion for preparing food and wonder how in God’s name they landed on earth in my path! The significant men in my life have been ones who enjoyed sharing cooking duties. But when they cooked a meal, I would feel guilty, like I SHOULD have been the one who cooked it. On the other hand, I would sometimes feel angry if I suspected a man EXPECTED me to be the chief cook. So meals have been a big, fat hassle most of my life.
I wondered if it was due to lack of mentoring. Mom was not a cook…we ate to live. I wondered if it had something to do with ‘slavishness’ or lack of generosity. ‘Giving’ becomes a huge challenge if it means having to shop, prepare, cook, serve, and cleanup food. Yet I’ll gladly give lots of time listening diligently or give some other form of support to a person – rather than prepare the person a meal.
My friends have accepted this about me. When I show up with a dish at a pot-luck or have them over for dinner, they usually fuss over how delicious my offering is. I loathe attention being brought to it! I CAN cook well – I like really good food. But I don’t care to be appreciated for my cooking ability.
So Tuesday, during the Myss/Shealy webinar, I went into the meditative, past life regression session with hope for an insight into this blockage. Here’s the life that came to me:
I am in Egypt in my kitchen – domed roof – fairly crude furnishings and cooking urns, etc, but not “poor”. I am wearing a long robe and my head is covered. I’m standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a large wooden bowl cradled in my arm and I’m in shock. I’ve just discovered my husband is dead. He died at the table while eating dinner. I am scared ‘spitless’ because I think I have killed him. In fact, I think I must have poisoned him. I want to run. I know I will be stoned to death.
Finally, a neighbour sees I am troubled and comes to me. I confess to her that my husband is slumped over the table, dead. She realizes I am in shock and goes for the doctor. The time alone is unbearable. My husband was the Mayor of our village. He was mean, cruel, demanding and horribly abusive. I believed that other people saw him as a good man and that I was the smear on our life because I could not get pregnant. He would beat me terribly and rape me. There were times I believed I was pregnant and would abort due to the beatings. Obviously I hated the man, but believed I had to stay with him. Because he was the Mayor, I told no one. I seemed to have no family close by.
So while waiting for my neighbour to bring the Doctor, I am wracking my brain over what poisoned him. I wonder if subconsciously I did it on purpose. I knew I was going to be stoned to death.
The Dr. finally arrives and my neighbour is in the kitchen with me, trying to comfort me. Even then, I am trying to hide my bruises from her. When the Dr. comes into the kitchen, he is very kind and gentle. He tells me that my husband had choked to death. I look at him with disbelief and he makes a point of looking deeply into my eyes and saying, “There is no question. The blockage is there.”
My neighbour stays with me until others come to remove the body. She asks, “Did you not hear him choking?”
I tell her I heard nothing – which was true.
He had been sitting in that room, at the table, yelling, cursing and raging at me, telling me that all the food I brought to the table was disgusting. This was normal. This is how he’d begin his tirades. He told me that he would pound some cooking skills into me after I cleaned the kitchen. Suddenly there was silence. I was so frightened, but I went outside to fetch more water to begin cleaning. I likely missed any choking noises. Then after a good time, I realized there was still blessed silence. I prayed that he had had a change of heart and that I would be spared. The silence continued. When I went to the room where the table was, I saw him slumped over on the table. I went to him and realized he was dead.
Because it turns out that people had known that he was an abusive husband, no one even questions the Dr’s diagnosis and I simply ask to go to a convent. I spend the rest of my life not having to cook.
On my deathbed, I am feeling deep regret over never having had my own child, but grateful that no child had to endure the man who would have been its father.
Quietly a young novice enters and gently urges me to eat broth. The love I feel for this beautiful, kindhearted, young woman gives me the sense of knowing a mother’s love. This young woman had been brought to the convent as a sick and rejected child. I helped with her upbringing.
I die in her presence. As I leave my body, I look back. She has my hand to her cheek and is sobbing, “Oh, my mother, how I love you.” I leave knowing that I have loved.
Okay, Kim, I am not clear how that situation bridges over to this incarnation. Are you able to shine some light on that?
You have had food issues in a large number of your lives. As you know when you and I were in physical form together, we were in India during a terrible famine. In desperation, we drank impure water. We were too hungry to care. We poisoned ourselves. And thereafter, your various lives have included struggles with food. There have been times when you were terribly obese, though most often as a man.
I believe that. I have been very determined to eat well and stay fit in this lifetime.
You have done well.
Thanks. But what is this issue about cooking for others in this lifetime? Do you know?
Perhaps it would be appropriate for your readers to give their insights or comments. They may be great at suggesting what it is that triggers those feelings in you.
What a creative idea. I’ll do that. Thank you, Kim, but before we close, do you know the answer?
A large component of my Agreement with you, Amy, is that I give you every opportunity to experience love in this lifetime…as has been the case in many of your lifetimes. Part of loving you is allowing you the joy of coming to answers through the love sources in your life. Asking your readers for their insights is a way for you, and them, to exercise and experience love. I do not interfere with that process. I delight in observing the process. And it happens a lot with you.
Thank you for that, Kim, and all my Guides. You are so much fun!
Let your readers know that they can do this same type of meditation. Tell them you will show them how to do it.
Thanks, you just did!!
So, readers, please feel free to comment if you have a clue as to my block. And, as suggested by my Guides, if you want to know how to do this, I’m happy to share the technique with you. – Amy