The Pain of Love’s “Letting Go”

There’s a big problem with Love.

It morphs.

Does Love dissipate?  Am I Loved?  Am I Loving?

Does Love dissipate? Am I Loved? Am I Loving?

It never stays the same.  It means having to change with Love.

Just ask mothers.  Or a man whose heart has been blindsided by rejection.

Love is NOT temporary!  Nope!  Fat chance of that happening.  If Love was just a contract for a prescribed time-frame, we’d simply move on – unscathed.

The tough part – these changes start before we’re ready.  Subtle nuances sneak into the crevasses of our lives and begin to painfully stretch those spaces and cracks.  Something feels “off”, but defining “it” seems impossible.

It’s a soul nag.  It’s a Universal Tug.  And it hurts.

It’s called “grief”.

Like chocolate bubbling in a pan, signs have been erupting around me.  It’s been painfully confusing.  I became concerned.  Love seemed to be slipping out of my life instead of mellowing into a comfortable, manageable state of mutual exchange.

When I tried to speak about being lost, confused or hurt, I sounded like an egomaniac with a ring on my bottom from sitting so long on the pity-pot.

Or, so I thought.

So here’s what happened…

For a couple of years, Love has been changing all around me.  I realized my role in people’s lives had changed.  As someone said, I was experiencing the fruits of my giving. I wasn’t needed in the same way any more.

If I was experiencing a form of “success”, why were the fruits tasting tart and acidic?

Feeling an unreleased tear, I asked the Universe – what is my purpose now?  What, where and how do I find the outlet for all this Love that has been given to me?

In my younger years, I would have fallen in love with some poor man who was then supposed to fill the hole in my soul.  Today, the Universe conspires…I can only fall in (L)ove.  Big difference…not that I wouldn’t be thrilled over having the love of a man who could understand and support this non-package-able influence.

So…with a desire beyond explanation, I have turned away from entering a love relationship with a male partner.  The women around me who live in loving, healthy and happy relationships cannot understand my modus operandi.  I’ve ceased trying explain.

The various women I’ve mentored over time no longer need my counsel and I have no compunction to begin anew with other women.

Was this part of the aging process?  If so, I didn’t like it.

This week, fortunately, my heart broke open even wider.  I spoke my confusion on Monday, – while with women who have known me a good while.  I asked for feedback.  I heard that I helped them in some sort of way, but I wasn’t looking for strokes.  I needed an answer.

None came.

Afterwards, while in the village, I sat in my car where I could watch people walk by without engaging in conversation.  I meditated on the question, “Where do I belong?”  Still, no answer.

Later, I called each of the women individually to ask for clarity.  I only received answering machines.  Alone-ness stung and anger rose.   Why, with every major corner I’ve had to turn, have people not been available?  (A good victim-question!)  I’m left talking with God.

Now I realize and trust, this outcome has been essential.

For the rest of that day, I prayed for clarity.  I listened for understanding in meditation.  I longed for an answer.  I ached with confusion – where am I to give this Love?  What is my purpose?

On Tuesday mornings for a couple of years, I tune into a radio show given by Marcus and Sheila Gillette.  Sheila channels Theo, a group of Archangels.  Sheila and Theo introduced Esther Hicks to channeling Abraham.

Messages from Theo have consistently resonated with the messages I receive in meditation – Love, Universal Oneness, knowing oneself, doing deep inner work, meditation, fulfilling Purpose…

This Tuesday, the subject was:  What is my purpose?  What timing!  I decided to call in.  I rejoiced when my call was answered and I was put on hold.

When Marcus opened the line, I said to Theo:

“I’m at a crossroads.  There’s change all around me.  I’m hoping this means things are ramping up because I’m willing.  However, it’s causing me to wonder if I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose right now.  And, do I REALLY have the Love to do this purpose?”

Theo’s tone brought tears: (I taped this session so these are the exact words -)

“Of course you do!  Your Love is much expanded.  It is also to understand…hmmmm…we see there’s much change for you.  Much movement…hmmm…moving…physically moving…residentially moving.  This is a coming to fruition and that’s an indication of the personal growth that has occurred – as well for the life to expand.

So, yes!  You are on Purpose…on track.”

This morning, I dialed in to our weekly GenOne Circle and found only one other member available – Theresa in Kentucky.  Normally, our Circle conversation sticks with the teachings from Barbara, given two days before.  Theresa and I completed Barbara’a assignment; then dived deeply into our personal/soul issues.

I told Theresa about my sadness and confusion.  I told her Theo’s response  Suddenly clarity landed with a Loving Grace of indescribable force.

I am grieving.

I am experiencing “empty nest syndrome”.

It’s time to move on.

Where Next?  Let the Challenge Begin!

Where Next? Let the Challenge Begin!

The chocolate bubbling in a saucepan is burping with insight.  I’m experiencing the feeling needed to help me let go.  I could finally see beyond my pain into Purpose.

My soul’s blister finally burst!  Along with tears, a pure, unadulterated joy floods me into a natural floatation of gratitude!

I can now hear, “Let go, Amy.  Watch where this takes us.”

YOU BET!

Love morphs, that’s all.

Life charges ahead!

34 thoughts on “The Pain of Love’s “Letting Go”

  1. What a great post Amy. We can get so wrapped up looking down at our navels and crying into our pitypot that we can’t see anything else. I’ve been stuck there too many times. Its easy to forget that when one door closes the next one is waiting to be opened.
    I can only imagine how thrilling it must be to get a chance to talk to Theo. Wow!

    • Hi Rosie, Actually, I was wondering if you had been listening to the program. This is the second time – the first time, I was given medical advice that was bang on! I know Sheila Gillett has been “screened” and “tested” by scientists to determine the accuracy of scientific data she was channeling. They found it accurate – and ahead of its time.

      So, I listen! Now I will sit on Theo’s message and watch/wait for validation. If the same message comes up 3 more times, I’ll know to begin downsizing! :D

    • Hello Muhammad! Thanks for your visit and comment. The clarity that dawned was that my pain has been grief. The blessing of clarity means my freedom to now let it go. May your life be filled with an abundance of Love.

    • Hi David, My Purpose has been quite evident throughout my life – it’s just which form it will take to express itself. When I’m out of sorts, I question whether I’m still on track or not. Thank you for your blessings and hugs! We’ll have to see about this move. That’s quite a concept! :D

  2. I loved every. single. word.
    I PRAY for PURPOSE in all my prayers.
    I surrendered. Everything. Everyyyything.
    & then I heard a sentence the other day which changed me…. “GOD will not waste a single hurt. God will use your pain for your purpose.”

    I felt the words inside my bones.

    Amy, I love these words of yourse ***I’m left talking with God.***

    Who else will reveal our purpose?

    LOVE this post. XXxxxx Kiss from MN.

    • Love this line, ““GOD will not waste a single hurt. God will use your pain for your purpose.”.
      It is really resonating with me.
      I shall meditate on this and see what fresh insights may be revealed that may help with my own journey.

      Thank you Inner Chick!
      xx

    • “GOD will not waste a single hurt. God will use your pain for your purpose.” THAT was one heck of a message… And experience tells me how hugely true that is.

  3. Dear Amy,

    I love the inner journeys you take us on. And how wonderful that you received such a strong, reassuring response from a highly-respected source. Wow! I mean, just – wow!

    Because it is amazing, isn’t it, how life seems to catch us exactly in those moments when we feel we’ve just slipped off the edge and are hurtling into the dark unknown…

    I’m sure there is still far more for you to do than you have ever dreamed of. I say this because I am aware of the boundless wellspring of Love that you are. You bet it’s needed somewhere – everywhere, actually. Maybe the question you could be asking yourself right now is – Where do I want to go?!

    It’s funny (or is it?) – for the last week I have also been meditating and praying on these very lines – Reveal my Purpose. I am ready to serve. Since then people have not stopped asking me to do the very thing (of course!) that I have been avoiding doing because I doubt my ability to do it well. Today I realize I have to stop being scared and just start saying Yes. Don’t worry about it too much. Following the inner path often means stepping out into the void. Maybe you catch the whisper of a melody over there, or the faint glimmer of a light over here to help direct your course. Sometimes there really is nothing except your own faith. Which as Inner Chick picked up on and you so simply expressed is when we are left ‘talking to God’. Beautiful. Thank you x

    • I’m delighted to hear this, Jinkspot! You are “IN”! And it’s because you want to be!

      Mistakes? Where’s 100%? Creativity cannot exist without vulnerability. We have to step into the “arena” (as Brene Brown says). We can step in with fear, hesitation or disbelief, but the exercise will be sweeter trusting we’ll have the courage when we need it. We can break ourselves open, screw up or shine, and know we are Loved. Those who are really on our team will be there (and obvious).

      The greatest disservice we could do to ourselves is NOT step into the arena – with Truth about who we are – where Purpose awaits. Purpose matches our initiative and raises our courage with a tenfold shot of power.

      Worried about critics? If somebody express a need to tear you down, remember, they cannot possibly be in the arena or they wouldn’t be doing that. They don’t come from Love. They’ll call on others to agree with their negativity. On the other hand, those in the arena will discuss matters with you in a spirit of maturity and Love.

      You’ll know if someone is truly in the arena. It’ll be as clear as language because, from the arena, an accent is detectable to everyone EXCEPT the speaker.

      I look forward to hearing more, my friend!

  4. I lost you! I download something called unrollme to my email and it rolled you and you disappeared, but one thought i would look in this thing unrollme and there you were. Unrollme is now gone and you are back,
    You sound like me. I have an empty nest and love has changed but it hasn’t gone altogether. When i prayed God answered ‘yes my daughter’ i am i wasn’t alone any more. Peace with who we are comes slowly but until we ask it is difficult to know where to find it.

    • It feels as though an old friend just dropped in for tea, Beverley. Sounds as though you’ve been well. Yes, I don’t know what goes on with some of the downloaded enhancements – whether by us or courtesy of the platform. There are some sites I’ve subscribed to many, many times and I still receive no notices. I use Reader which means I might visit weekly. Other times, it seems subscriptions need updating. Rather than try to figure it out, I roll with it.

      The key, for me, is to ask. When feeling the pressure to figure things out, I can spend too much time in trying to figure out or resolve. Letting go is definitely part of the plan for me!

      • When my life change abruptly and then did the same thing again in a different way i found myself having no choice but to sit and wait for it to work itself out and it is, just feels like one step forward and then two back. Take each step as it comes and forget about the days.

  5. Our purposes in life do change…and those who receive part of our love also changes…that does not I believe diminish the love that has ready been shared….a wonderful post.

  6. Life takes us down many roads, it is all part of the journey. We are guided by the love in our heart, and I know yours will take you on a new adventure, one that will touch others

  7. I think by sharing this post with others you have already moved on and helped others in the process. You have left a record of your feelings, you no longer need to hang on to them, you can embrace new feelings, life and experiences. I wish you well, Amy.

    • What a supportive and welcome comment, Deerayson! I bounced over to check out “the ark realm project” – it looks as though you are just getting the site prepared. I really resonate with your description on your gravatar. It shows me you are one of the Divine Crew. Congrats on your book!

  8. When my middle sister got her life together after her divorce and the kids didn’t need to stay with me as often, I did experience a feeling of emptiness. Although I was very happy that things were going better for her, I had that feeling of no longer being needed.
    I hope you find that the next thing to come brings you joy.

    • Thank you so much, adameverhard. Thankfully my life is seldom devoid of joy. Joy comes simply and in small packages for me. The dents and nicks seem to tarnish it, but my spiritual repair kit is ever close. Having said that, sometimes the feelings are so deep it takes time for me to see what they are. One I SAW I was grieving, it all made sense. What makes me forget that any loss is grief-worthy? And newer losses bring out old sorrows anew. Having facilitated Grief Recovery, that fact sits firmly in my mind – I have been waiting for my heart to catch up!

      You comment tells me you take hold of opportunities to give…I do, too. Without that window through which to express and give Love, I’d wither. Thanks for your kind heart.

  9. Isn’t a it a relief when we understand what we are feeling. Nothing changes, but everything changes.
    With your realisations I can feel the freeing up and the joy in you now that you know you’re on your Way and not stuck..
    Go well, with much love Amy XXX
    .

    • Yes, Valerie! You nailed it: Nothing and everything. That’s the bounty of “understanding”. Because I live trusting that everything holds purpose, I look forward to change and new direction. A few times in my life, I’ve gasped at the possibility that change may not be possible. It always is – the timing is just outside of my expectations and I sit, feigning patience. :D

      Your post about Robinson Crusoe transfixes me…imagine a lifestyle of a marooned man on a diet supplied by an island off Chile in the early 1700s could ramp up health incredibly on this planet today.

  10. I find change really hard, no matter how much theorising I do. I am watching my children move into their teenage years, and the kind of love they need is going to be so different it takes my breath away.
    This was a nice post to come across.

    • Aw, Kate, I hope time allows you to cultivate one or more of your other passions now. I’ve found it’s a sustaining path of healthy diversion.

      To the ever-focused-outward mothers, abundantly full of love and giving, it likely seems selfish to undertake self-focusing projects and challenges. It’s so necessary.

      Who coined the phrase, “If you love me, let me go”? Was it merely the stoke of a song-writer’s pen? It’s full of wisdom. May be an adjustment for one and all, but it bears the means for healthier relationships.

  11. Can’t add much to your excellent post and the comments. Nothing is permanent–not the “bad” stuff; not the “good” stuff. Letting it all flow through our lives without trying to cling is the best way not to suffer more than we have to. Easier said than done, though…

  12. You give me so much to think about I don’t get to respond–you’re on to the next thing. LOL That’s a good thing, for both of us, I’m sure.

    Grief is funny..and any time there’s change, there’s a loss, as you well know. Sometimes it’s tougher to let go of the old than to embrace the new.
    Funny thing about letting ourselves BEING the loving creatures we were designed to be. We come to an understanding that we’re going to FEEL and it’s not always going to be pretty, but you can’t guard your heart and you weren’t intended to. Love and keep moving. Leastwise that’s been the directions for me–and nope, no one seems to understand that being ‘married to G-d or your passion’ can be WAYYYYY more than ‘enough’.
    Heck, I was convinced that sharing space with ‘he-who-does-everything’ would compromise that love/passion. Still amazes me that it didn’t…
    I don’t know about ‘love morphing’. I do know that relationships with human beings morph–and that always means a bit of grief work and celebrating.
    I think we should have a party with balloons and confetti–you can grieve and celebrate at the same time yaknow!
    (I laughed about the ring on your arse from the pity party…LOL…..only cuz I’m done it a time or two hundred……) ;-)

    • Yah, Mel, I could have said that it FEELS like Love morphs – but God’s Love stays put while humans do the morphing. Circumstances shift, filters change, we receive Love differently, hearts open to embrace newness, soul encourage letting go, etc. The change is in the human department – and you’re right – it’s all about relationship. Like the ‘chicken or the egg’, which changes first? The love or the relationship?

      If love is the taproot of a relationship, all sorts of storms can happen with a steadfast trust in a well-anchored, secured love.

      In two conversations today, spouses talked of the other person’s love changing. One, a husband is suddenly abandoned. The other, a wife fears her beloved’s depression. Both are confused about where love went. Perhaps it’s a question of “whose love?” and “when?”.

      This grief is very worthwhile…it’s a refreshment. Grief doesn’t frighten me, as much as it hurts. May sound strange – I trust grief to bring fresh insights.

      Oddly enough, others in my GenOne Circle mentioned their grief tonight on our call…hmmmm.

      • I’m just back to say I’da asked a few other questions (cuz I’m an antagonist (LOL) and I’m about personal responsibility in any relationship):
        “Are/were you loving how you’ve always wanted to love?” and “What lousy excuse are/were you giving yourself not to?”

        We aren’t in charge of anyone ‘loving us’–we’re only in charge of our loving. And if I stop, alter, change that in my relationship with someone–that ain’t about them..that’s about me.
        *laughing* Try THAT one on for size and let it swirl around in your brain. I think I had about six bajillions ‘yeah, buts……’ as the fingers hit the keys. (just takes me back to that second question….eeshhhhh! LOL)

        BTW…..I don’t find it the least bit ‘odd’ that GenOne mentioned grief on the call. ;-)

  13. Food for thought, Amy. This year I have been consciously grieving: for the loss of my daughter’s partner in January, then for the loss of my paid job through injury. I spent the summer in a state of suspended animation, resting, meditating, not able to think or plan, being quiet. Then, gradually. my daughter began asking for help with her own grief and with caring for my four~year~old grandsons, after previously insisting on independence. My empty nest is being re~filled and I came to the realisation that previous purposes, whilst complete in themselves, are coming together and giving me strength. Oh, I can’t explain in mere words but thank you for thank you for sharing your experience and clarifying mine for me! With love, Jacqueline :)

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